There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
