Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
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She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
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Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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