I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
