It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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