There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
