It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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