i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
