The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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