the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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