hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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