I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
