Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
