Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
