69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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