I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize