ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Randomize