$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
not ubering you a puppy
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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