in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
