Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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