Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
