I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
