explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
