I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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