i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
bring money and cleavage
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
