Quick, to the slutcave!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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