Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize