SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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