doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
