Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
