fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
