Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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