I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I see more hoeing in ur future
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