so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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