He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
