Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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