Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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