so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
