I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
