____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
