So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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