K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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