peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
