just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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