I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
