you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think I sprained my soul last night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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