Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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