she looked like the bat from fern gully.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
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Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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