im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I love you. Go after that dick
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
