HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize