All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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