I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
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The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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