There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
