He uses pillows to masturbate.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
