I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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