i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
