i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
