Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
