Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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