dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
