More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
