Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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