she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
