That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
